One of my biggest problems in life are my expectations. I expect people to treat me how I treat them, I expect them to have the same level of compassion as I have and I expect them to (wrongly so) be like me. All in all, I expect too much, and this is why I end up getting my feelings hurt all too often.
Apart from the crisis that is happening in my life right now (lhaving to couch hop, loss of our home, no paid job…) I’m actually coping quite well I think, so I decided to pop into town and do a spot of window shopping and this was when I not only bumped into 1 old work ‘mate’ but about 3! Of all the bloody days. Thank fuck I had washed my hair and done my make up.
It’s always the same questions I get asked: “What are you doing now?” “Still looking?”. I decided to say I was blogging instead of repeating “nope, nothing yet”.
“Oh cool, blogging what?”
“Everything lifestyle really” I reply
“At least you’ve found something you enjoy”
Then like an idiot I ruin it by saying “yea but It’s not paid I still need a job and I just don’t know what else to do, I apply to about 25-30 a week”
“But you’re happy aren’t you, that’s the main thing” She replied.
I felt like saying, being happy isn’t going to pay the bills!!!
I think everyone assumes I must be on benefits (I’m not eligible) the way they are just so smug.
The old co-worker who is a manager of her department (when I was working with her, I too was part of the management team on a temporary contract) then proceeded to tell me how since I’ve left, the company are opening location after location and are constantly recruiting hence why she is so busy as she is a trainer now too.
At this point, I was hoping (expecting) after knowing I’m looking – she would ask me if I was interested in coming back, seens I’ve already been trained and what-not. I even mentioned the thought had crossed my mind to re-apply – she still said nothing.
After saying our good-byes, I left feeling really rubbish. My confidence and positivity had just plummeted. If I was in her shoes I would have said “hey give me your CV, your details, I can pass them on as we are recruiting” or “why don’t you apply here?”
This is the part where my great expectations completely do me in – it’s my own fault I know.
I came ‘home’ feeling really upset and sad. The other ones I’d mentioned I also bumped into, they had gone on to bigger and better things/jobs/places which made me feel evenworse. I’d always heard the rumour of, to get a job you need to have a job, I believe that now because I have more varied experience than these guys yet they have succeeded where I have failed.
The lesson I keep having to re-learn here is: Stop assuming, Stop expecting, Stop hoping?