You’ve probably read some of my other posts that talk about how I’m losing many of my friends somehow, not because I don’t keep in touch – because I do. They just don’t keep in touch with me. I have reflected a lot about this, trying to think did I do something to piss them off? Or do I just put it down to growing up and growing apart?
I have some of my closest friends, who we all agree we have grown apart, but we still see each other, we just see each other less, so I don’t think this one is this.
In the past few months I have come to the realisation that one friend in particular, that I had since I was 12 will become a distant memory pretty soon and I just have to accept that. The funny thing is after years of emailing, texting, calling and not getting replies or getting replies about 3 weeks later, she actually randomly sent me a text. I say random as it was well over 1 year since I had stopped making attempts to contact.
In the 2 years she was really bad at keeping in touch she had given birth to twins (this was why she got in touch to tell me so) and I took this as a white flag to rekindle our friendship again. I will admit, I was a bit irked that I had no idea she was even pregnant, considering I used to be the one whom she told all her secrets too – I mean I know a lot, but what can I do, that is just life and it was her choice, but I always got the feeling maybe she felt bad about that, this is why I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
For 2 months we exchanged frequent emails and texts, trying to arrange a meet-up, she had relocated further north of the city and I was willing to pay the money to commute out of the London borders. The following months it went quiet again, probably on my part due to my job interviews, job searching and beginning this blog, so I decided once and for all to put a date in my diary to make the effort to visit.
I texted her and I didn’t get a reply until about 1 week later, she said that she was busy on all her days off from work for the next month and didn’t know when she would be free and that was that. I replied saying that I completely understood and that I would leave the ball in her court to let me know.
I never heard from her again and if I’m honest I haven’t tried to get in touch with her, I just got a clear sign that she just didn’t want to meet, something had changed. Was it me? Was it her?
Another mutual friend of ours suggested she may have been hormonal from the birth (she hadn’t seen her for years either btw) or just forgot who her real friends are and had probably changed. But even she said – why bother getting back in touch with you if she isn’t bothering to keep it up? Part of me thinks she was expecting more fuss, she was always one to want fuss around her and to be the centre of attention, she was obsessed about being popular.
Whatever the sudden cold shoulder, the timing was pretty off, I racked my brain thinking, have I written something on Twitter she didn’t like, was it because I didn’t send a gift (I was saving to buy her a gift so I could bring it with me on my planned visit), was she pissed off I left it too long to arrange a visit? Or maybe she just decided she doesn’t like me anymore? (I know that sounds so playground) I understand she has her hands completely full with the babies.
I’ve finally decided to just give up on her, the deciding factor came on the month of her birthday, Usually I had always, always sent her a card or a message even when we weren’t speaking and I wouldn’t get a reply or I’d get one 5 weeks later – so I decided I either send a card and keep trying to get in touch, getting hurt in the process, me doing all the work, her never visiting me (this is how the latter years pretty much were) or I don’t send anything and just cut-off from now.
Sounds harsh but I have a life too ya know and I just dont need this shit to be honest, so that is what I did. I’m not kidding myself anymore, it’s pretty obvious that we aren’t friends anymore – I will turn into someone she used to know and that is OK with me.