Great Expectations Of The Modern Kind

One of my biggest problems in life are my expectations. I expect people to treat me how I treat them, I expect them to have the same level of compassion as I have and I expect them to (wrongly so) be like me. All in all, I expect too much, and this is why I end up getting my feelings hurt all too often.

Apart from the crisis that is happening in my life right now (lhaving to couch hop, loss of our home, no paid job…) I’m actually coping quite well I think, so I decided to pop into town and do a spot of window shopping and this was when I not only bumped into 1 old work ‘mate’ but about 3! Of all the bloody days. Thank fuck I had washed my hair and done my make up.

It’s always the same questions I get asked: “What are you doing now?” “Still looking?”. I decided to say I was blogging instead of repeating “nope, nothing yet”.

“Oh cool, blogging what?”

“Everything lifestyle really” I reply

“At least you’ve found something you enjoy”

Then like an idiot I ruin it by saying “yea but It’s not paid I still need a job and I just don’t know what else to do, I apply to about 25-30 a week”

“But you’re happy aren’t you, that’s the main thing” She replied.

I felt like saying, being happy isn’t going to pay the bills!!!

I think everyone assumes I must be on benefits (I’m not eligible) the way they are just so smug.

The old co-worker who is a manager of her department (when I was working with her, I too was part of the management team on a temporary contract) then proceeded to tell me how since I’ve left, the company are opening location after location and are constantly recruiting hence why she is so busy as she is a trainer now too.

At this point, I was hoping (expecting) after knowing I’m looking – she would ask me if I was interested in coming back, seens I’ve already been trained and what-not. I even mentioned the thought had crossed my mind to re-apply – she still said nothing.

After saying our good-byes, I left feeling really rubbish. My confidence and positivity had just plummeted. If I was in her shoes I would have said “hey give me your CV, your details, I can pass them on as we are recruiting” or “why don’t you apply here?”

This is the part where my great expectations completely do me in – it’s my own fault I know.

I came ‘home’ feeling really upset and sad. The other ones I’d mentioned I also bumped into, they had gone on to bigger and better things/jobs/places which made me feel evenworse. I’d always heard the rumour of, to get a job you need to have a job, I believe that now because I have more varied experience than these guys yet they have succeeded where I have failed.

The lesson I keep having to re-learn here is: Stop assuming, Stop expecting, Stop hoping?

XO

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How to get out of my funk today and on other days

I’m having a bit of an odd day today, I’m in a bit of a funk – having a down day, pissed off with life you know the drill, and it got me thinking how my ways of getting out of a funk day have changed. I admit I get really affected by things and am sensitive especially before my period is due, so this probably has something to do with it, but anyways.

If you don’t already know, I have a couple of other blogs. I know this is stupid of me, but whats got me a tad upset is that when I write something from the heart, personal and I feel, thought-provoking, I’ve noticed I get no likes or comments or even views (as I write this I know how dumb this reads). Yet I will see similar topics or the same topic on other blogs I follow and read, they get like 20 hundred million likes and comments and I begin to compare my blog to theirs, I begin to have self-doubt about myself and it makes me just not want to blog anymore.
I refuse at my age to just discuss superficial things.

My methods of feeling better have significantly changed; many years ago if I was feeling anxious or stressed I’d just smoke or drink more, then in my 20’s I would shop – a lot, there is a reason it’s called retail therapy! In recent years and now, I write or read books.

Obviously, if it wasn’t for life changes, circumstances changing and just general financial situations altering, truth be told I probably still would be shopping! It was a few years ago, I feel back in love with books. I was in a town far far away, in the middle of nowhere for a number of years, and I had no friends and was very alone. I didn’t go online much at all except to read my emails and job search. It was then I decided to begin reading again (as embarrassing as it is for me to say it was around the whole Twilight books saga obsession).

Whatever that first book was that got me back into reading (*cough* Twilight *cough*), I continued with other different books and it took me away to another place. Through traumatic events I chose to read instead of kill myself with toxins (ha!), point is, today it reminded me how far I have come in changing the way I deal with those days when you feel out of sorts and how I feel myself yearning for some new books to read ( Unfortunately I have misplaced our Kindle ūüė¶ ).

How do you deal with off days?

XO

Moving Home Update: Landlord Has Served Us Notice

I’ve been meaning to do an update on my moving post which you can have a little browse at here, for about 2 weeks but I’m not even exaggerating when I say things have gone from bad to worse and I have not been able to even use my computer because of this.

Our landlord has decided he wants the premises empty in order to sell the property – which we already kind of had a feeling about but he wants us out earlier than expected and has served us notice. We have around 4 weeks now to unfurnish, vacate, clean, pack and find a new home.

I can tell you right now that the atmosphere in our current place is just horrible, tense, frantic and chaotic, because now we don’t have the luxury of doing things in our own time – which is really hard. We also don’t know where we will be moving to and I may quite possible have to live with family temporarily until a house/flat is found and my finances are in order.

I am currently the only person at home in the day while everyone else is working full-time and I’m trying my best to pack up as much as I can alone but there is only so much I can do, I’ll be honest I actually feel like abandoning the orderly way of packing I previously spoke about and just chucking stuff in bags and boxes and hoping and praying people I know can store my stuff for me. But I won’t do that, it’s just how I feel.

This is the first bit of ‘me’ time I’ve had to collect my thoughts and document this shit storm that is happening. I actually don’t know what we will do – its a weird feeling right now and its gone beyond stress and panic, this will sound really fucking weird but I feel like I’m not really here, like its not happening, that fate knows what is happening and is either playing a massive trick on us or is helping us out in a really big messed up way.

What is really sad is that I don’t know where we both will be for Christmas, will we be homeless? Be still living with friends/family? Will we have found a home?

I know these things happen and I know we aren’t the only people who can’t afford to buy but I still don’t want to tell anybody apart from the immediate family about this situation. I’m not ashamed, I just get annoyed by people who have no understanding but think they do.

So yea, to sum it up for all of you lovelies who asked how things are going, not very well, not very well at all. I’ve decided to take a day off today and literally do nothing because I’m just so tired – mentally and physically. Hopefully the next update will be good news.

XO

Goodbye and Good Riddance Part 2 | Knowing When It Is The End Of a Friendship

You’ve probably read some of my other posts that talk about how I’m losing many of my friends somehow, not because I don’t keep in touch – because I do. They just don’t keep in touch with me. I have reflected a lot about this, trying to think did I do something to piss them off? Or do I just put it down to growing up and growing apart?

I have some of my closest friends, who we all agree we have grown apart, but we still see each other, we just see each other less, so I don’t think this one is this.

In the past few months I have come to the realisation that one friend in particular, that I had since I was 12 will become a distant memory pretty soon and I just have to accept that. The funny thing is after years of emailing, texting, calling and not getting replies or getting replies about 3 weeks later, she actually randomly sent me a text. I say random as it was well over 1 year since I had stopped making attempts to contact.

In the 2 years she was really bad at keeping in touch she had given birth to twins (this was why she got in touch to tell me so) and I took this as a white flag to rekindle our friendship again. I will admit, I was a bit irked that I had no idea she was even pregnant, considering I used to be the one whom she told all her secrets too – I mean I know a lot, but what can I do, that is just life and it was her choice, but I always got the feeling maybe she felt bad about that, this is why I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

For 2 months we exchanged frequent emails and texts, trying to arrange a meet-up, she had relocated further north of the city and I was willing to pay the money to commute out of the London borders. The following months it went quiet again, probably on my part due to my job interviews, job searching and beginning this blog, so I decided once and for all to put a date in my diary to make the effort to visit.

I texted her and I didn’t get a reply until about 1 week later, she said that she was busy on all her days off from work for the next month and didn’t know when she would be free and that was that. I replied saying that I completely understood and that I would leave the ball in her court to let me know.

I never heard from her again and if I’m honest I haven’t tried to get in touch with her, I just got a clear sign that she just didn’t want to meet, something had changed. Was it me? Was it her?

Another mutual friend of ours suggested she may have been hormonal from the birth (she hadn’t seen her for years either btw) or just forgot who her real friends are and had probably changed. But even she said – why bother getting back in touch with you if she isn’t bothering to keep it up? Part of me thinks she was expecting more fuss, she was always one to want fuss around her and to be the centre of attention, she was obsessed about being popular.

Whatever the sudden cold shoulder, the timing was pretty off, I racked my brain thinking, have I written something on Twitter she didn’t like, was it because I didn’t send a gift (I was saving to buy her a gift so I could bring it with me on my planned visit), was she pissed off I left it too long to arrange a visit? Or maybe she just decided she doesn’t like me anymore? (I know that sounds so playground) I understand she has her hands completely full with the babies.

I’ve finally decided to just give up on her, the deciding factor came on the month of her birthday, Usually I had always, always sent her a card or a message even when we weren’t speaking and I wouldn’t get a reply or I’d get one 5 weeks later – so I decided I either send a card and keep trying to get in touch, getting hurt in the process, me doing all the work, her never visiting me (this is how the latter years pretty much were) or I don’t send anything and just cut-off from now.

Sounds harsh but I have a life too ya know and I just dont need this shit to be honest, so that is what I did. I’m not kidding myself anymore, it’s pretty obvious that we aren’t friends anymore – I will turn into someone she used to know and that is OK with me.

XO

Wedding Guest Etiquette | Do You Mingle With The Guests You Don’t Know?

Quite recently we attended the wedding of my close friends’ younger sister – you may as well say the younger sister is like my sister pretty much, seen as I’ve known the family since she was tiny.

It was an absolutely stunning day and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The bride decided to invite more friends than family, so there were many groups of people who had never met and some who had met maybe once or twice. I always find in these small-talk situations you can tell a lot about people; their general manners towards others, their social skills and rapport-building qualities.

I have been to occasions like this several times where I have literally known nobody and have had to make efforts to ‘fit’ in somehow, albeit sometimes in an exaggerated way, you just stick out like a sore thumb otherwise and ya know what? The day would get really dull and boring if you just sit in the corner staying ‘schtum’.

I probably would never on a normal day have chatted to the guests I conversed with – but that’s the thing it isn’t a normal day and I think it’s so rude not to be friendly, especially when the bride is pretty much like my own little sister! This is why I just couldn’t understand my close friends (the brides sister) and her family’s coldness towards anybody who wasn’t part of their ‘circle’.

I watched it quite obviously the whole time, they made zero effort with anybody. Only speaking to their own family and guests they knew. But this wasn’t because they are shy – they certainly aren’t that! It was like they were some sort of clique and even my husband and I – whom they’ve known for years got a frosty reception. In fact, the brides sister – my close friend even stated to me “I don’t mingle unless I know people – I just can’t be bothered”. I think that just says it all really.

I think the reason it shocked me is because I’m the opposite, or I’ve learnt to be, because I’ve been the person nobody wants to mingle with and also have been the person to mingle.

Does this kind of scenario happen at all weddings? In my experience, I’ve only noticed this happening at weddings where there has been a higher ratio of friends versus family members and weddings where there has been quite visible snobbery and class differences.

You could argue that the cliquey family in question probably were a bit overwhelmed maybe? No, not really, the truth is they are like that in everyday life but I just thought they would make more of an effort on their sisters’, nieces’, cousins’ special day.

I just find it so sad that adults can act in this selfish way, and I wonder has this happened on your wedding day? Have you been to a wedding and witnessed this too? Or maybe you’ve heard of something like this happen to someone?

Whatever the similarity or difference I’m interested to hear your stories.

Do you mingle with wedding guests you don’t know? I do. But do you?

XO

 

 

 

 

Charity & Volunteering | Does It Really Benefit Your CV?

I had an interview last month with a national charity that is based locally for a position I’m experienced in and had done before.

I had previously worked for a non-profit plus for the past year I’ve been helping a relative with their fundraiser; social media management, collection tin organisation, liaising with donors, community outreach etc, so I figured why the hell not apply?

To my surprise I didn’t get the job. Maybe I was too hopeful but when I added it all up, it actually didn’t make sense to me and especially as it was only for a contract position!

I had a simple test before the face-to-face interview which consisted of typing a basic letter in 30 minutes, all the info was given what to write about, nothing difficult. The interview was held by 2 managers of the company, it lasted about 1 hour, I was asked about my volunteering and that is when it became rather odd.

I’ve always maintained that the reason why I have volunteered while doing my job search is so that I can help others by using my skills for free, it helps me stay mentally productive and active and I also gain a bit of knowledge on areas I may not have done before, I get to use this stop gap on my CV, I gain more references and it shows I’m willing to work hard – even if not getting paid. I mention that the fundraiser is only for a further 4 months as that is when this particular one ends, I don’t see anything negative at all in what I have done.

“So, if you get this job how will you continue to manage all the social media and charity work?” She asks.

“I will hand in my notice of course but at the same time, if someone were to¬†continue¬†for the short months left, it would be the same way people who go to¬†the gym after work or check their own social media pages like facebook or instagram – which by the way I don’t have, in their free time or on their days off. There is absolutely no way of it interfering with the working day” I reply.

Wow, I mean seriously, if I am looking for a paid job isn’t it common sense that the volunteering will end? Shouldn’t a charity head office know that? Considering this was only for a temporary position – and from what I overheard there was no intention of extending the contracts, it was all really nit-picky I felt. There were a few more focused questions on the charity and volunteering work but the question above was the one that really stuck out, and after that I just knew, I could sense it that I wasn’t going to ever get this job.

I did a ton of research on the company as soon as I found out I would be interviewing with them, so I was speechless when I received an email the day after stating that I had been unsuccessful because I didn’t have enough experience for the position¬†(I have 5 years experience – which they knew I had) and that I didn’t know enough about the company, that in future I should research companies better.

Even though I feel you can never research enough, there is only so much you can learn yourself, I felt this was just absolute bull-shit to be honest. But what surprised me the most was that it was from a charity, I just never would have thought a charity would look at volunteering on a CV as negative. It has really made me consider not applying again to this sector in the future and it actually is quite sad that this is what they focused on rather than the years of experience I had to benefit their organisation, even for a short time.

I am completely over it now, but I am really curious if anyone else has experienced this? Or know anyone that has? Do you guys think I should remove this charity/volunteering gig and leave a massive gap on my CV instead? I don’t think this would ‘sell’ me well at all but my goodness, is that what they wanted to see?

I actually really enjoy being interviewed (yes I’m weird), so let’s hope I get another soon! I won’t give up!

XO

 

 

 

Moving Home…Again! | Tea & Lipsticks

This will be the 6th time I have moved home, but for reasons out of our control, (read: Landlord is selling the home we rent) another move is on the cards, as soon as we find a suitable place.

I actually hate moving, I find it so incredibly stressful and for this reason I am very anxious about everything to do with the move, but on another hand, I am not sorry about saying goodbye to this town.

The 4 years I have lived in this home, have been some of the worst for me, health-wise, financially and mentally. It hasn’t been a happy home, I often feel this place has bought us/me bad luck, so as much as I am worried about the amount of work to do as we can’t afford a removal company, I am trying to look at the change as a good thing. I’m hoping my luck will change as soon as we leave and break free.

The last time I moved home I was working full-time, long hours, finishing at 10 pm – this didn’t help matters, and my place of employment were not flexible with me, which did not help at all. Anyways, as I am currently unemployed and actually the only one not working, this gives me the freedom to pack things up in my own time, because of this, there are a few things I have noticed about packing-up which I hadn’t realised before:

A) The Smaller Stuff Is The Most Time-Consuming To Pack

It hadn’t really occurred to me before, but all the little bits and bobs, like junk drawer items, beauty products, accessories, general smaller appliances that end up in a lived-in home, take forever to pack. I don’t want to just throw them all into a box and then find things broken, so this is leading me to sort everything out one by one, wrapping and putting them in a clearly marked box.

I have been tempted to dispose of so many items as I just keep finding more and more in every drawer and cupboard space, things I had forgotten about, things I think I will use but probably I wont.

B) There Is No Point Packing Your Everyday Items – Whatever They May Be

Clothes-wise, It is easier to pack absolutely everything out of season first and literally only leave out what you absolutely use every single day. The same goes for electronics and paperwork.

This has left me with my laptop, phone, banking details and i.d, daily toiletries and clothes. The only exception is a formal piece of wear for possible job interviews and gym gear.

It is crazy what we think we need isn’t it? As I write this, I am actually feeling a little better about this situation, I feel pretty organised and hopeful, I know this will be very tiring but I can handle that more than stress.

Is anyone else moving soon, do you have a system you follow when boxing your belongings up? Would it be useful if I made another blog post about how I am organising everything?

Thank you so much for reading.
XO