Great Expectations Of The Modern Kind

One of my biggest problems in life are my expectations. I expect people to treat me how I treat them, I expect them to have the same level of compassion as I have and I expect them to (wrongly so) be like me. All in all, I expect too much, and this is why I end up getting my feelings hurt all too often.

Apart from the crisis that is happening in my life right now (lhaving to couch hop, loss of our home, no paid job…) I’m actually coping quite well I think, so I decided to pop into town and do a spot of window shopping and this was when I not only bumped into 1 old work ‘mate’ but about 3! Of all the bloody days. Thank fuck I had washed my hair and done my make up.

It’s always the same questions I get asked: “What are you doing now?” “Still looking?”. I decided to say I was blogging instead of repeating “nope, nothing yet”.

“Oh cool, blogging what?”

“Everything lifestyle really” I reply

“At least you’ve found something you enjoy”

Then like an idiot I ruin it by saying “yea but It’s not paid I still need a job and I just don’t know what else to do, I apply to about 25-30 a week”

“But you’re happy aren’t you, that’s the main thing” She replied.

I felt like saying, being happy isn’t going to pay the bills!!!

I think everyone assumes I must be on benefits (I’m not eligible) the way they are just so smug.

The old co-worker who is a manager of her department (when I was working with her, I too was part of the management team on a temporary contract) then proceeded to tell me how since I’ve left, the company are opening location after location and are constantly recruiting hence why she is so busy as she is a trainer now too.

At this point, I was hoping (expecting) after knowing I’m looking – she would ask me if I was interested in coming back, seens I’ve already been trained and what-not. I even mentioned the thought had crossed my mind to re-apply – she still said nothing.

After saying our good-byes, I left feeling really rubbish. My confidence and positivity had just plummeted. If I was in her shoes I would have said “hey give me your CV, your details, I can pass them on as we are recruiting” or “why don’t you apply here?”

This is the part where my great expectations completely do me in – it’s my own fault I know.

I came ‘home’ feeling really upset and sad. The other ones I’d mentioned I also bumped into, they had gone on to bigger and better things/jobs/places which made me feel evenworse. I’d always heard the rumour of, to get a job you need to have a job, I believe that now because I have more varied experience than these guys yet they have succeeded where I have failed.

The lesson I keep having to re-learn here is: Stop assuming, Stop expecting, Stop hoping?



What To Expect At Your First Blogger Event

It’s been a few years since I’ve been to an event of any kind actually, even though I’ve had my various blogs for a while now I just never fancied attending any events until recently.

In the Summer I attended my first blogger event with another blogger pal of mine, I had an idea of what to expect but I wasn’t too sure, so it did make me a little nervous because   there are some bitchy bloggers out there and I just didn’t want to deal with that at my age.

So I went with an open mind. I’d heard so many good things from other people saying how they had made so many new friends at these places and that everyone is welcoming and friendly and so on, so I thought it was time to make the leap.

FIrst off, I’d like to say that I don’t mean to generalise and lump all events into one big fat chunk, I understand this isn’t the case and that it is all relative. But with that in mind, this is how I personally found it to be like.

im quite intuitive, I think I’m a good judge of character and my first impressions of people and places are usually spot on. As we were shown to the special “area” we met the PR peeps who I have to say, were so lovely and friendly in a completely natural way.

When you go to your first event you will notice the SLR Cameras hanging from many people’s necks. Don’t be intimidated by this, I can’t afford one and I’m happy using my iPhone, but my friend commented that if she wasn’t a tough bird it would have probably made her feel like she was less of a blogger for not having one.

I was expecting more chatter between the bloggers, I ended up chatting more to the event holders and the special guests. Throughout the evening I kept hearing comments being made by 2 bloggers in particular, I don’t know if they just felt they were better than everyone else or just were natural bitches but it put me on edge as I couldn’t understand why they were being so unfriendly. After a couple more of their sniggers I decided to move away from where they were standing because it was making me want to leave.

If I was on my own I would have only stayed about 15 minutes, I was expecting something akin to the Twitter Chats or blog comments where people are bubbly, enthusiastic, have lots to say and are eager to say hi!

Amongst the weirdness there were 3 lovely bloggers who we ended up hanging out with and we exchanged our details and had a good old time checking out the products on show and listening to the amazing VIP’s.

In the end we all decided to leave just as it was getting super duper packed with what I call ‘the big time bloggers’ who btw were so obnoxious and big headed. There was very much an invisible divide once they arrived, it is what it is I guess.

All in all, I’m glad I went, but I came home feeling very inadequate about my blogs and my writings, I don’t know if this just was a one-off but I was quite disappointed with the lack of camaraderie.

The new people we met was a plus, even though no word or tweet or reply or comment has been heard from them since. It left me wondering is this all a facade?


How to get out of my funk today and on other days

I’m having a bit of an odd day today, I’m in a bit of a funk – having a down day, pissed off with life you know the drill, and it got me thinking how my ways of getting out of a funk day have changed. I admit I get really affected by things and am sensitive especially before my period is due, so this probably has something to do with it, but anyways.

If you don’t already know, I have a couple of other blogs. I know this is stupid of me, but whats got me a tad upset is that when I write something from the heart, personal and I feel, thought-provoking, I’ve noticed I get no likes or comments or even views (as I write this I know how dumb this reads). Yet I will see similar topics or the same topic on other blogs I follow and read, they get like 20 hundred million likes and comments and I begin to compare my blog to theirs, I begin to have self-doubt about myself and it makes me just not want to blog anymore.
I refuse at my age to just discuss superficial things.

My methods of feeling better have significantly changed; many years ago if I was feeling anxious or stressed I’d just smoke or drink more, then in my 20’s I would shop – a lot, there is a reason it’s called retail therapy! In recent years and now, I write or read books.

Obviously, if it wasn’t for life changes, circumstances changing and just general financial situations altering, truth be told I probably still would be shopping! It was a few years ago, I feel back in love with books. I was in a town far far away, in the middle of nowhere for a number of years, and I had no friends and was very alone. I didn’t go online much at all except to read my emails and job search. It was then I decided to begin reading again (as embarrassing as it is for me to say it was around the whole Twilight books saga obsession).

Whatever that first book was that got me back into reading (*cough* Twilight *cough*), I continued with other different books and it took me away to another place. Through traumatic events I chose to read instead of kill myself with toxins (ha!), point is, today it reminded me how far I have come in changing the way I deal with those days when you feel out of sorts and how I feel myself yearning for some new books to read ( Unfortunately I have misplaced our Kindle 😦 ).

How do you deal with off days?


Little White Lies

I consider myself a really honest person.Too honest sometimes. As much as people say they would prefer to hear the truth, I don’t think they do.

However small all little white lies are, I often feel I have no choice but to use them otherwise all hell would break loose. For me, relatives and “friends” who have known you the longest are the biggest culprits.

An example which has happened to me just today; for the longest time I’ve heard my friend complain that nobody invites her to dinner dates or lazy lunches on a weekend, so a few weeks back an opportunity arose where I had a free house as my husband was away for work, so I invited her over for Sunday lunch and cocktails. She was super excited to have a casual yet fun invitation and she immediately said yes. That we would confirm it all nearer the time.

I didn’t hear anything back, so I called to confirm. She had forgotten about the date and also cancelled because her parents needed her help. She kept apologising for messing me about. Fair enough, I figured, this isn’t new with her, I wasn’t very surprised but oh well.

Upon telling my husband, his feelings towards the episode and to her, were: “well, she can’t ever say you don’t ever invite her to things, because you always do and there is always some excuse. I wouldn’t bother anymore because you only get disappointed”

3 days later, I get a text from said friend, she  asked if I wanted to meet up that afternoon in town – she was bored and just wanted to get out.

I really wasn’t in the mood to be social or out in public that day, and to be honest I was having a well earned duvet day. I really didn’t want to go, I just didn’t feel like it. Some people would have been able to handle a response like “I’m just not in the mood today” but not this girl, so I had to make up a lie.

In the past I have been truthful and she was bitchy and twisted my response so I’ve learnt now – she is one of those who can’t accept truth, but expects others to accept hers.

The little white lie I told wasn’t even a lie at all, more of an excuse. But the point is that I shouldn’t need to use one.

I was doing chores but not nearly as much as I had said and I could have easily stopped doing them, but ya know what, I felt like it was a sympathy invite because of her cancelling. Which is fine I guess, well no it actually isn’t fine… but it doesn’t deter from the fact that our meet-ups are only done when it suits her.

I find it really odd that people who have known me less (newer acquaintances/work colleagues) accept pure honesty from me and respect my responses and general comments.

it is very frustrating that we have to use little white lies but I don’t know what I’d do without them sometimes.




Moving Home Update: Landlord Has Served Us Notice

I’ve been meaning to do an update on my moving post which you can have a little browse at here, for about 2 weeks but I’m not even exaggerating when I say things have gone from bad to worse and I have not been able to even use my computer because of this.

Our landlord has decided he wants the premises empty in order to sell the property – which we already kind of had a feeling about but he wants us out earlier than expected and has served us notice. We have around 4 weeks now to unfurnish, vacate, clean, pack and find a new home.

I can tell you right now that the atmosphere in our current place is just horrible, tense, frantic and chaotic, because now we don’t have the luxury of doing things in our own time – which is really hard. We also don’t know where we will be moving to and I may quite possible have to live with family temporarily until a house/flat is found and my finances are in order.

I am currently the only person at home in the day while everyone else is working full-time and I’m trying my best to pack up as much as I can alone but there is only so much I can do, I’ll be honest I actually feel like abandoning the orderly way of packing I previously spoke about and just chucking stuff in bags and boxes and hoping and praying people I know can store my stuff for me. But I won’t do that, it’s just how I feel.

This is the first bit of ‘me’ time I’ve had to collect my thoughts and document this shit storm that is happening. I actually don’t know what we will do – its a weird feeling right now and its gone beyond stress and panic, this will sound really fucking weird but I feel like I’m not really here, like its not happening, that fate knows what is happening and is either playing a massive trick on us or is helping us out in a really big messed up way.

What is really sad is that I don’t know where we both will be for Christmas, will we be homeless? Be still living with friends/family? Will we have found a home?

I know these things happen and I know we aren’t the only people who can’t afford to buy but I still don’t want to tell anybody apart from the immediate family about this situation. I’m not ashamed, I just get annoyed by people who have no understanding but think they do.

So yea, to sum it up for all of you lovelies who asked how things are going, not very well, not very well at all. I’ve decided to take a day off today and literally do nothing because I’m just so tired – mentally and physically. Hopefully the next update will be good news.


Wedding Guest Etiquette | Do You Mingle With The Guests You Don’t Know?

Quite recently we attended the wedding of my close friends’ younger sister – you may as well say the younger sister is like my sister pretty much, seen as I’ve known the family since she was tiny.

It was an absolutely stunning day and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The bride decided to invite more friends than family, so there were many groups of people who had never met and some who had met maybe once or twice. I always find in these small-talk situations you can tell a lot about people; their general manners towards others, their social skills and rapport-building qualities.

I have been to occasions like this several times where I have literally known nobody and have had to make efforts to ‘fit’ in somehow, albeit sometimes in an exaggerated way, you just stick out like a sore thumb otherwise and ya know what? The day would get really dull and boring if you just sit in the corner staying ‘schtum’.

I probably would never on a normal day have chatted to the guests I conversed with – but that’s the thing it isn’t a normal day and I think it’s so rude not to be friendly, especially when the bride is pretty much like my own little sister! This is why I just couldn’t understand my close friends (the brides sister) and her family’s coldness towards anybody who wasn’t part of their ‘circle’.

I watched it quite obviously the whole time, they made zero effort with anybody. Only speaking to their own family and guests they knew. But this wasn’t because they are shy – they certainly aren’t that! It was like they were some sort of clique and even my husband and I – whom they’ve known for years got a frosty reception. In fact, the brides sister – my close friend even stated to me “I don’t mingle unless I know people – I just can’t be bothered”. I think that just says it all really.

I think the reason it shocked me is because I’m the opposite, or I’ve learnt to be, because I’ve been the person nobody wants to mingle with and also have been the person to mingle.

Does this kind of scenario happen at all weddings? In my experience, I’ve only noticed this happening at weddings where there has been a higher ratio of friends versus family members and weddings where there has been quite visible snobbery and class differences.

You could argue that the cliquey family in question probably were a bit overwhelmed maybe? No, not really, the truth is they are like that in everyday life but I just thought they would make more of an effort on their sisters’, nieces’, cousins’ special day.

I just find it so sad that adults can act in this selfish way, and I wonder has this happened on your wedding day? Have you been to a wedding and witnessed this too? Or maybe you’ve heard of something like this happen to someone?

Whatever the similarity or difference I’m interested to hear your stories.

Do you mingle with wedding guests you don’t know? I do. But do you?






Charity & Volunteering | Does It Really Benefit Your CV?

I had an interview last month with a national charity that is based locally for a position I’m experienced in and had done before.

I had previously worked for a non-profit plus for the past year I’ve been helping a relative with their fundraiser; social media management, collection tin organisation, liaising with donors, community outreach etc, so I figured why the hell not apply?

To my surprise I didn’t get the job. Maybe I was too hopeful but when I added it all up, it actually didn’t make sense to me and especially as it was only for a contract position!

I had a simple test before the face-to-face interview which consisted of typing a basic letter in 30 minutes, all the info was given what to write about, nothing difficult. The interview was held by 2 managers of the company, it lasted about 1 hour, I was asked about my volunteering and that is when it became rather odd.

I’ve always maintained that the reason why I have volunteered while doing my job search is so that I can help others by using my skills for free, it helps me stay mentally productive and active and I also gain a bit of knowledge on areas I may not have done before, I get to use this stop gap on my CV, I gain more references and it shows I’m willing to work hard – even if not getting paid. I mention that the fundraiser is only for a further 4 months as that is when this particular one ends, I don’t see anything negative at all in what I have done.

“So, if you get this job how will you continue to manage all the social media and charity work?” She asks.

“I will hand in my notice of course but at the same time, if someone were to continue for the short months left, it would be the same way people who go to the gym after work or check their own social media pages like facebook or instagram – which by the way I don’t have, in their free time or on their days off. There is absolutely no way of it interfering with the working day” I reply.

Wow, I mean seriously, if I am looking for a paid job isn’t it common sense that the volunteering will end? Shouldn’t a charity head office know that? Considering this was only for a temporary position – and from what I overheard there was no intention of extending the contracts, it was all really nit-picky I felt. There were a few more focused questions on the charity and volunteering work but the question above was the one that really stuck out, and after that I just knew, I could sense it that I wasn’t going to ever get this job.

I did a ton of research on the company as soon as I found out I would be interviewing with them, so I was speechless when I received an email the day after stating that I had been unsuccessful because I didn’t have enough experience for the position (I have 5 years experience – which they knew I had) and that I didn’t know enough about the company, that in future I should research companies better.

Even though I feel you can never research enough, there is only so much you can learn yourself, I felt this was just absolute bull-shit to be honest. But what surprised me the most was that it was from a charity, I just never would have thought a charity would look at volunteering on a CV as negative. It has really made me consider not applying again to this sector in the future and it actually is quite sad that this is what they focused on rather than the years of experience I had to benefit their organisation, even for a short time.

I am completely over it now, but I am really curious if anyone else has experienced this? Or know anyone that has? Do you guys think I should remove this charity/volunteering gig and leave a massive gap on my CV instead? I don’t think this would ‘sell’ me well at all but my goodness, is that what they wanted to see?

I actually really enjoy being interviewed (yes I’m weird), so let’s hope I get another soon! I won’t give up!