How to get out of my funk today and on other days

I’m having a bit of an odd day today, I’m in a bit of a funk – having a down day, pissed off with life you know the drill, and it got me thinking how my ways of getting out of a funk day have changed. I admit I get really affected by things and am sensitive especially before my period is due, so this probably has something to do with it, but anyways.

If you don’t already know, I have a couple of other blogs. I know this is stupid of me, but whats got me a tad upset is that when I write something from the heart, personal and I feel, thought-provoking, I’ve noticed I get no likes or comments or even views (as I write this I know how dumb this reads). Yet I will see similar topics or the same topic on other blogs I follow and read, they get like 20 hundred million likes and comments and I begin to compare my blog to theirs, I begin to have self-doubt about myself and it makes me just not want to blog anymore.
I refuse at my age to just discuss superficial things.

My methods of feeling better have significantly changed; many years ago if I was feeling anxious or stressed I’d just smoke or drink more, then in my 20’s I would shop – a lot, there is a reason it’s called retail therapy! In recent years and now, I write or read books.

Obviously, if it wasn’t for life changes, circumstances changing and just general financial situations altering, truth be told I probably still would be shopping! It was a few years ago, I feel back in love with books. I was in a town far far away, in the middle of nowhere for a number of years, and I had no friends and was very alone. I didn’t go online much at all except to read my emails and job search. It was then I decided to begin reading again (as embarrassing as it is for me to say it was around the whole Twilight books saga obsession).

Whatever that first book was that got me back into reading (*cough* Twilight *cough*), I continued with other different books and it took me away to another place. Through traumatic events I chose to read instead of kill myself with toxins (ha!), point is, today it reminded me how far I have come in changing the way I deal with those days when you feel out of sorts and how I feel myself yearning for some new books to read ( Unfortunately I have misplaced our Kindle 😦 ).

How do you deal with off days?

XO

Little White Lies

I consider myself a really honest person.Too honest sometimes. As much as people say they would prefer to hear the truth, I don’t think they do.

However small all little white lies are, I often feel I have no choice but to use them otherwise all hell would break loose. For me, relatives and “friends” who have known you the longest are the biggest culprits.

An example which has happened to me just today; for the longest time I’ve heard my friend complain that nobody invites her to dinner dates or lazy lunches on a weekend, so a few weeks back an opportunity arose where I had a free house as my husband was away for work, so I invited her over for Sunday lunch and cocktails. She was super excited to have a casual yet fun invitation and she immediately said yes. That we would confirm it all nearer the time.

I didn’t hear anything back, so I called to confirm. She had forgotten about the date and also cancelled because her parents needed her help. She kept apologising for messing me about. Fair enough, I figured, this isn’t new with her, I wasn’t very surprised but oh well.

Upon telling my husband, his feelings towards the episode and to her, were: “well, she can’t ever say you don’t ever invite her to things, because you always do and there is always some excuse. I wouldn’t bother anymore because you only get disappointed”

3 days later, I get a text from said friend, she  asked if I wanted to meet up that afternoon in town – she was bored and just wanted to get out.

I really wasn’t in the mood to be social or out in public that day, and to be honest I was having a well earned duvet day. I really didn’t want to go, I just didn’t feel like it. Some people would have been able to handle a response like “I’m just not in the mood today” but not this girl, so I had to make up a lie.

In the past I have been truthful and she was bitchy and twisted my response so I’ve learnt now – she is one of those who can’t accept truth, but expects others to accept hers.

The little white lie I told wasn’t even a lie at all, more of an excuse. But the point is that I shouldn’t need to use one.

I was doing chores but not nearly as much as I had said and I could have easily stopped doing them, but ya know what, I felt like it was a sympathy invite because of her cancelling. Which is fine I guess, well no it actually isn’t fine… but it doesn’t deter from the fact that our meet-ups are only done when it suits her.

I find it really odd that people who have known me less (newer acquaintances/work colleagues) accept pure honesty from me and respect my responses and general comments.

it is very frustrating that we have to use little white lies but I don’t know what I’d do without them sometimes.

XO

 

 

Moving Home Update: Landlord Has Served Us Notice

I’ve been meaning to do an update on my moving post which you can have a little browse at here, for about 2 weeks but I’m not even exaggerating when I say things have gone from bad to worse and I have not been able to even use my computer because of this.

Our landlord has decided he wants the premises empty in order to sell the property – which we already kind of had a feeling about but he wants us out earlier than expected and has served us notice. We have around 4 weeks now to unfurnish, vacate, clean, pack and find a new home.

I can tell you right now that the atmosphere in our current place is just horrible, tense, frantic and chaotic, because now we don’t have the luxury of doing things in our own time – which is really hard. We also don’t know where we will be moving to and I may quite possible have to live with family temporarily until a house/flat is found and my finances are in order.

I am currently the only person at home in the day while everyone else is working full-time and I’m trying my best to pack up as much as I can alone but there is only so much I can do, I’ll be honest I actually feel like abandoning the orderly way of packing I previously spoke about and just chucking stuff in bags and boxes and hoping and praying people I know can store my stuff for me. But I won’t do that, it’s just how I feel.

This is the first bit of ‘me’ time I’ve had to collect my thoughts and document this shit storm that is happening. I actually don’t know what we will do – its a weird feeling right now and its gone beyond stress and panic, this will sound really fucking weird but I feel like I’m not really here, like its not happening, that fate knows what is happening and is either playing a massive trick on us or is helping us out in a really big messed up way.

What is really sad is that I don’t know where we both will be for Christmas, will we be homeless? Be still living with friends/family? Will we have found a home?

I know these things happen and I know we aren’t the only people who can’t afford to buy but I still don’t want to tell anybody apart from the immediate family about this situation. I’m not ashamed, I just get annoyed by people who have no understanding but think they do.

So yea, to sum it up for all of you lovelies who asked how things are going, not very well, not very well at all. I’ve decided to take a day off today and literally do nothing because I’m just so tired – mentally and physically. Hopefully the next update will be good news.

XO