Confessions of an ex-Smoker

I quit smoking about 4 years ago. I stopped buying cigarettes and even socially I wouldn’t even have a little. I’d been smoking ‘properly’ since I was 15, but at 14 I would have cigarettes twice a week when I met up with my best friend. The funny thing is I always had a love/hate relationship with it, I was one of those smokers who loved the holding and having something in my hand, the inhaling, I even liked the smell, but I would suffer stomach pains and nausea every time I had one (because of ibs/digestive issues I suffer with).

So, I actually weirdly found it easy quitting, after the 3rd day which was the hardest, I did it cold turkey, just stayed at home and slept a lot! I followed a scientifically proven diet to help with the cravings and practiced psychological methods that apparently are supposed to help.

Fast forward to the past year and I have found in times of extreme stress and personal crisis the only thing to calm me down is a cigarette, even though I absolutely hate them now, it is the only bloody thing that works, even just half of one.

This has happened twice in the past year: When I was bullied in a new job and had to leave otherwise I would have suffered a mental breakdown and recently in the past few weeks – more rejections from job applications and our landlords are selling the rented home we live in, forcing us out, coinciding this with feeling like my life is in limbo (I lost my job, my husband lost his and his current job is 10k less a year, living with family because we can’t even afford a studio, being 34 and still haven’t had a child…yep I feel like shit pretty much)

It just got too much for me last week and I was shaking, I imagine it was adrenaline or cortisol or one of those stress/fight or flight type hormones, I had drank chamomile/lavender/done breathing exercises/taken some valerian and nothing. So I took myself to the local corner shop and bought a box and a lighter, it was revolting, made me feel sick but it calmed me down. I had 2 more and threw the rest out (they were really cheap don’t worry).

I haven’t had any since, nor have I even craved one, it is obviously my weak capabilities of managing my stress that is resorting to me doing this, I probably won’t have one again for another 5 years, but I just find it odd that it’s the only thing that calms me down…even after all these years. It can’t still be a physiological thing surely..?



Why Can’t I Get A Job? | Tea & Lipsticks

I’ve asked myself this question so many times over the past year and a half. It’s got to the point now where I view the interview as a game, with different levels that head towards the finish line.

The Interview Game

1st Level
– Introduce yourself

2nd Level
– 1st assessment

3rd Level
– 2nd assessment

4th Level
The face-to-face interview

Last Level
– End game (getting the job)

When I finished college, many years ago, I didn’t have someone telling me how to apply, how not to apply, what to say or what to write. I just did and said what came into my head and I got the job every time, many times on the spot.

This time, I wanted to hit every angle with my job search, I have listened to so many ‘advisers’ and googled so many tips – and you know what? None of it has worked, not one thing these experts say. Because of this, and my desperation I decided to go back to what I used to do, even if it is the wrong way, I was curious to see what would happen.

My Experiment

2 weeks ago, I just got really angry with this job hunt that I got one of my CV’s (I have 3 to 4) changed, added and edited my personal profile to words that came into my head, words I thought stood out and liked, instead of the traditional cover letter (which by the way I have never used until recent years) I wrote/typed 1 short paragraph/1 long sentence which included a phrase that I had used once before that got me a call within a few hours.

That was that, I applied to about 5 jobs to test it out, if the CV and Cover Letter got selected that would be 1 obstacle out of the way, as we all know, it’s getting our application noticed that is equally as hard. Even the experts can’t get it right (I’ve had one completely change my CV’s to how they said would work and I didn’t even get to an interview stage.

1 year – 2 interview requests (with CV experts)
1 week – 3 interview requests (my own help)

4 days later and not only did I get 1 request for an interview but 3! I had NEVER had so many interview requests at the same time EVER. Whatever I did must have worked, it had to be, it was the only thing I changed.

This just goes to show how much BS is floating around and that we should always, always, listen to our gut feelings, even when others say it’s wrong!

Has this happened to anyone else? Everything I did contradicted what I was told to do, seriously, even I could start calling myself a CV Consultant at this rate!

I am a little bit shy in telling people what words I used and how I phrased things but I want to help others so if anybody is interested let me know in the comments section.